Don't criticize

 

Those words still ring in my ears to this day. "Don't criticize," my mother used to say to me when I found something wrong with a person, a musical performance, a piece of art, or the way someone was dressed.

The problem was she set the example of criticizing. When she got on a roll, we knew to just let it ride out. She used words like "frumpy", "glaring", "not right", "inappropriate", even "common". She could be brutal. Each time I felt horrible for the person or thing she was running down but kept my mouth shut.

I don't think she realized her hypocrisy. She usually started verballing tearing something apart when she was angry, hungry, confused, tired, or afraid. It took me many years to find the understanding of what was really happening.   

And I find the same weakness in myself. I catch it and stop it when it is brought to my attention, hopefully by God, privately, in my head. But my most recent employment pulled me back into the cycle of ragging on something or someone and then apologizing. It is difficult to be in a culture of criticism and stay away from the practice myself. 

Very difficult.

But lest we forget, there is a positive side to criticism - evaluation, rebuke, disapproval, analysis, review, assessment, appraisal - all of these have positive and negative connotations. 

Criticism can make us better.

And so, it was with my mom. She was right about a lot of what she criticized, and in a way, it taught me which direction to go. Dress nicely while in public. Do not cuss or swear in public. Pay attention when you are moving about in a crowd. Use your directionals while driving and when in doubt, let someone merge. Pick up your trash. Leave the space better than when you found it.

Boy, could I write more! But we will leave it like this for Five Minute Friday.

What a Deal!

 

A few weeks ago, our mom's house was sold. This was a huge relief to my brother and sister-in-law who have tried to help our parents care for that 1930s home for years. 

It needed lots of upgrades and remodeling, but even so, given the neighborhood, the buyers really got a deal. 

I lived in that house for eight years or more, but with all the moving we did as a family I wasn't really attached to it. My husband and I drove down in March and helped do some clearing out. We gave lots and lots of things away. I'm sure the local thrift store made it possible for buyers to get lots of great deals. 

I don't feel taken or gypped in anyway. The entire episode was a blessing.

And I can't wait to see what they do with the house. 

Stay tuned.

This post is part of a Five Minute Friday routine. Check it out! 

Five Minute Friday

Beginning

 

A new beginning

A fresh start

...

More like the ending of an old life and the living of a new life I don't understand

Almost being born again except with the old body

Almost like going on a trip without a map

-

I've always hated the word "retired", but I think that's because it's been burdened with untruths, like leisure, free time, freedom, avarice, excess, greed; as well as age, decline, suffering, disability, uselessness, poverty, death (as in, "He couldn't handle retirement. He died a couple years later.").

There is no normal retirement. Most of us can't sit on the porch and think while drinking coffee because 1. we don't have a porch; 2. we're not supposed to drink coffee; 3. it's too cold; 4. it's too hot; 5. the projects are calling us back inside.

I officially retired a few years ago, but funds were a little tight, so I got a parttime job. My husband had been looking forward to retiring for years and once his date was set to leave the company, mine was as well. He wanted me to retire with him. He felt bad that I had to work and he didn't. 

So, I officially retired with him. 

This first week of beginnings has been strange. There are so many projects that have waited for us that we have driven ourselves crazy trying to get them all done in a couple days. 

Not possible.

I'd like to say, we've got plenty of time, but we know that might not be true. I'd like to say we are on an extended vacation, but that's not true either. 

I think there needs to be a new name for retirement. Let's leave it open, allow it to be, like moving or getting a new job or having a baby or getting married or getting fired or ... you know, life changes. 

Any ideas?

(Yes, indeed, I will be blogging more!)