Joy

 

Arcaion - Pixabay

As I walked in the light rain after supper, I listened to the birds singing

I paused and identified

Robins

Only Robins

Singing praise for the rain

The air was full or the music

 

Cold breeze

Robins rejoicing

Slow spatter of drops

 

I resumed

Smiled

Breathing deeply I quickened my pace

 

I guess I don't mind being fired.

 

_RHTM_

Die, Blame, Die

ArtRose-Pixabay

 

Who could blame him

I sure wouldn’t blame you if you did

My bad

Mea culpa

“I, I am to blame.”

I didn’t do it, but they blame me

Well, they have to blame someone, otherwise they would feel the guilt of it themselves

 

So much blame in the world

So much vengeful speaking

And all because we don’t like what happened, we don’t want that thing to happen ever again, so if we blame someone we can walk away and leave it there, leave the person, leave the event, leave that moment in time.

 

Thank God that He sent Jesus to take all that blame.

I am forgiven.

Now I can forgive.

 

And when I forgive …

Blame dies

_RHTM_

Check out other writers at FMF

Hurry

12019 - Pixabay

I grew up with hurry.

Hurry up, we’ll be late for church (and, of course, we were).

Hurry up, they’ll be here any minute.

Hurry, you’ll be late for school.

Hurry up, the bus is here.

Hurry up, and eat. We have to leave now.

It seemed as if my life consisted of long periods of lazy, do-what-you-want rest interrupted by short bursts of intense and guilt-ridden rushing.

There was no in-between.

And I had no control over it whatsoever.

There’s not much wrong with hurry, I suppose. Everybody has to do it once in a while. But it stresses me out. It creates drama, hard feelings, and hurtful words. People drop things, trip, bump into each other, forget tasks, make mistakes.

Hurry makes the brain streamline things. Hurry makes my brain all in a jumble.

Hence, why I have tried to make my life an even walk, moving forward, resting only when necessary, planning for the day ahead, week ahead, months ahead.

I have created routines to make sure I remember to do just about everything I need to do, so that when emergencies come, I’m hopefully not drowning in responsibilities.

If I must hurry, or if something unexpected comes up, I am automatically in battle mode. I try to keep calm, but my childhood is strong inside of me. While calm on the outside, the little girl is standing in the middle of the living room waiting for whoever is in charge to tell me what to do.

Or worse, hiding in a closet waiting for it all to end.

I suppose hurry will always be my enemy. I’m grateful God is with me to direct my path when life gets complicated.

With God, even hurry can be calm.

“Do not let your heart be troubled, believe in God, believe also in Me …” (John 14:1) Jesus said these words right before telling the disciples He was going to get their rooms ready up in heaven. Throughout His life here on earth, I don’t think Jesus hurried. I’m sure he must have felt rushed from time to time, but never intensely guilt-ridden rushed working or sharp words spoken. Thank You, Jesus!

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By the way, there's even a thing called "Hurry Sickness".

Check it out here: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/signs-of-hurry-sickness-how-to-deal_l_6081d78de4b0dff254039874

This article contains lots of links to studies so you can totally go down a rabbit hole if you've never heard of hurry sickness before... You're welcome. :)

_RHTM_

Yes?

 

geralt - Pixabay

Yes

“Yes” doesn’t always mean “yes.”

Sometimes it means, “Yes, I understand, but I don’t agree.”

Sometimes it means acknowledgement that you were heard.

Sometimes it means, “I’ll agree because I’m afraid of you.”

 

Yes is complicated.

I say “yes” too fast, trying to please, not thinking things through, hoping it will all turn out alright, then regret it later. Sometimes I do what I say I will do, pushing through, getting is done. Sometimes I apologize and say, truthfully, I said yes too quickly.

 

I like “yes.”

“Yes” means I get my way.

“Yes” means I’m forgiven.

“Yes” means I have something special to look forward to.

After life has beat me up a little, I know “yes” will always come slowly. If someone walks away before I get a chance to say “yes” then the thing wasn’t meant to be.

But I have found that I can wait a long time before deciding. It’s the people asking that are impatient, manipulative, arrogant.

So, since they won’t give me a chance to think before I say “yes,” then it’s a “no.”

Just “no.”

No.

Why is it wrong?

 

Terimakasih0 - Pixabay

Question

Questions are good. In fact, I just read that the Jewish people in ancient times believed that questions were sacred.

I was not raised that way, however. I have found that most of the people I have dealt with professionally were not raised that way either.

As a child I questioned everything. In high school I questioned how my parents raised me and I questioned the leadership at my church. This was met with mixed responses. Yes, I could have been more graceful with my questions, but I was desperate to know and understand differences, at that time, between my friends at school and my family circle.

I learned to be careful asking questions by the time I got to college. Unfortunately, most of my professors were also raised as I was: Don’t ask questions. Just do it.

But I have never been fully squelched of my need to ask questions.

It drives people crazy sometimes.

So, when I started my work as a reporter I was in heaven. I got to ask questions AND write them down! Wonderful!

I met a lot of people who were raised not to ask questions. I knew how to handle them because I had half a lifetime of experience getting information from people.

And I realized that I wasn’t the one at fault. I never was.

I was actually beaten up emotionally for being curious.

So, I raised my children to ask questions and I welcomed questions. It was challenging because sometimes they asked questions I was not prepared to answer. I worked hard not to be offended and practiced, “hold that question, I’ll get back with you.”

And I did.

I truly believe questions are sacred.

We should treat them as such.

 

_RHTM_

Apart

 

NoName_13 - Pixabay

Apart

When we are apart, I miss you.

When we are together, I am calm.

 

I pulled the orange apart and got juice on my shirt.

Never pull fighting cats apart. It does not end well.

 

You’ll have to keep those two apart, she said with the rich words of experience.

They’re friends. Even if you put them on opposite sides of the room, they will still cause trouble.

 

Some relationships are better apart.

 

But not ours.

 

_RHTM_

Water

12019-Pixabay

 

Water

Water, clear, sweet, cool, full of minerals.

Water hydrates us to give us energy, to fight sickness, to get rid of toxic things, to keep us clean.

Water can be boiled to make tea, coffee, hot chocolate.

Water is necessary.

Water is life.

 

Water, fresh every day, clear and precise read right off the page, full of wisdom and knowledge.

Water fills us to give us spiritual energy, fight sin, get rid of bad habits and ugly thoughts, keeps us clean.

Water can be boiled down to its essence for devotions, studies, and prayers.

Water is necessary.

Water is life.

 

_RHTM_

Choose

 

NoName_13 - Pixabay

Choose

Choose today whom you will serve.

Choose the best answer.

I choose you!

You have the right to choose.

I don’t know which to choose. There are so many choices!

God chose me. Therefore, I choose God.

I can’t choose, I say, walking around the house, wondering where to start.

 

“You choose,” he said.

And now I feel dread.

 

_RHTM_

Smile

 

pexels-pixabay

Smile

A smile is a powerful thing. Just using it as you speak to someone sparks a tiny flame of good feeling in that person.

Smiles reflect.

Smiles are contagious.

I am not a natural smiler. I am more of an inappropriate smiler.

I smile when I’m embarrassed. I smile when I’m sad. Sometimes I smile when I’m angry.

I don’t smile while I’m listening and talking to you because I don’t smile when I concentrate. As I listen, I focus hard on understanding what you are saying. As I speak, I focus on using the right words and I watch to see that you understand what I’m saying. I don’t smile when I concentrate.

In fact, as I’m typing this, there’s a scowl on my face.

I know these things, and I know some people are afraid of people who don’t smile.

So, I try to smile more.

Smiling helps my mood. There was that article about that study that I read that if you smile your brain sends messages to your body that you are smiling so it lifts your mood, so the actual act of smiling makes you smile.

Try it. It’s true.

Smile.

 

_RHTM_

Present

image4you-pixabay

 

Present

Be present

For a long time I couldn’t figure out what being present in the moment was. Then I read a few detailed descriptions of what it was like to be present, and I realized I had been present for most of my life.

Yes, I think about the future. Yes, I play out scenarios in my head to get myself ready for the thing I dread, the thing I fear, the thing I want to have more control over. Yes, I dream about what could be from time to time.

Yes, I wonder if I could have said that thing a little differently. Yes, I wish I could change what happened in the past by being more prepared or by taking my time. Yes, I regret from time to time.

But most days I’m living right now, typing this tiny essay, thinking about being in the moment, feeling my fingertips on the keys and enjoying the sound of the quiet clicking, the bang, bang, bang of backspacing, the quiet pausing as I listen to the birds singing, identifying them … helmet sparrow … tufted titmouse … cardinal … bombastic blue jay … and the one I’ve been trying to capture on bird.net because I hear it but I don’t see it and I haven’t heard it before.

Thinking …

A writer is being present most of the time, but it’s complicated because it involves listening, jotting, doodling, creating scenarios and copying them down, listening to characters get away from them, copying down snippets of conversations for later, listening to restroom gossip from behind the stall door, wondering if that certain phrase once published will ruffle feathers and cause parents to stop talking to them.

All this while being present.

It’s a great present to be present.

 

_RHTM_

Sunshine

 

animalinst-pixabay

Sunshine

I lived in sunshine.

The sun beating down on my head,

Burning out all my infirmities,

Heating up my immune system,

Teaching me to drink water,

Loving me with an intense embrace

We were advised to stay out of the sun from 10 am until 2 pm

But few of us did

And many of us couldn’t

There were jobs and walking in the park and strolling to the store and pool parties and zoo visits and hiking the rocks and watering the plants and hanging the laundry

And living

The sunshine served as an intensifier for aromas and beauty when the rare rain fell as exploding color and deep rich mustiness filled the day of moisture

The sunshine taught me to pace myself

To be tough

To be resilient

To be prepared

To endure

But not all sunshine is created equal

 

 

_RHTM_

Right

 

pexels-pixabay

Right

You know, you’re right. I should have done it your way. What was I thinking?

We’re both right. Can’t we agree to disagree?

There is no right or wrong.

I got the right answer!

Yay! I’m right!

Turn right at the next light.

Please, let me be right this time …

I have a right to vote, to work, to buy, to sell, to own, to speak, to live

_RHTM_

Guess

_RHTM_

 

Guess

I guess

Guess how many

Guess what it is

Guess my age

Guess what I’m holding behind my back

Guess what’s going to happen next

I guess I’ll just wait and see

I guess it’s all for the best

If I guess, I might get it right

This is just a guess, but …

Guess what I’m doing

 

What should I do now?

 

I guess I’ll just sit down and write …

 

_RHTM_

Before

 

Before The Storm - LuidmilaKot - Pixabay

Before

Before there was you, there was me

Before there was Internet, there were libraries, telephone calls, letters, and conversations

Before there were cell phones, there was waiting and calling and waiting and going next door or driving to their house

Before there were children, there were parents

Before the house was the small house and before the small house was the apartment

Before the office was the closet, before the closet was the desk by the window

Before the washer and dryer was the tub

Before showers was the tub and the barrel out back

Before church buildings were homes

Before cars were horses, before horses were legs

Before God …

There was nothing before God

 

_RHTM_

Go

 

maxmann-pixabay

Go

Don’t go

Stay

Go away

Leave

Get out, fear

Go away, anxiety

Hit the road, worry

Pride, git!

None of those things work for me. They never have. Why are you guys still around?

Go

Don’t go, perseverance

Stay, compassion

Don’t leave, love, creativity, openness

Sit, resilience

I need you guys

_RHTM_

Walk

 

jplenio-pixabay

Walk

Walk this way

Walk in the light

Walking every day

Speed walking

Walking slowly

Walking the straight and narrow

Walking in love

Walking along my journey

Walking in the dark

Walking along a highway with a flashlight

Walking around my house and noting what needs to be done

Walking around my property and noting what needs to be done

Walking up the stairs

Walking in circles

Walking in a fog

Walk the walk, talk the talk

Walking in unity

Walking with pain

Walking step by step

Walking, not competing

Taking baby steps

Just keep walking

 

_RTHM_

Space

 

scottwebb-pixabay

Space

I need space for my big mistakes.

I’ve got lots of space, I just need to use it better.

This house is a great big craft room.

You’re spreading again (“spreading” means you are sitting in one place and your stuff is sitting in another place and you need to decide which place you want to be because you can’t have both).

Space is not the final frontier. Heaven is.

I like the variety of a small space and a large space, many spaces, some messy, some neat, some dirty, some clean, some cramped, some expansive. It keeps my brain happy.

I don’t have space for everything because I have too much stuff.

There’s enough space for everyone everywhere. There will never be too many people. If you feel cramped, go to Idaho.

My space. Your space. Our space.

Friend

lion-3012515_1920-SarahRichterArt-Pixabay

 

Friend

Sometimes I wish I had one of those movie best friends. You know. The one that I would talk to every day and share my deepest hurts and feelings and dreams and yearnings. The one that would drop everything and come to my house/apartment and listen intently while sipping wine and eating take-out. The one that finishes my sentences and confides secrets and always always always takes my side in every conflict.

But I know that I can be pretty intense as friends go. I talk so long, I manipulate the conversation, I try to make sure I get all my thoughts in, that sometimes those friends don’t talk to me for weeks, months, years … ever again.

So, when my brain gets on that train, I stop myself, and ask God what needs to happen.

And He reminds me that Jesus is my Friend. I can tell Him anything and no one will ever know. He keeps all my secrets. He listens, knowing I love the person I’m complaining about, I just don’t know how to be a friend to them.

There are lots of people I can call ‘friend.’ Some of them might not even know that I call them friend, but I do because I believe I can trust them with a small sharing, with a prayer request, with a tiny secret.

Now, when I say secret, I mean something I believe that might offend someone else, some opinion that others might not agree with, some goal that others don’t understand. The big secrets – the personal ones I don’t want anyone to know, the bad things my friends may have done, the tiny fact that might bring down someone’s life – those secrets I tell no one. I learned my lesson long ago. The explosion was so large it took a year to just recuperate from the blast. I’m still recuperating from that fallout.

I think a best friend is very rare. I used to think a person would know when they found their best friend, but I’m not sure it happens all that fast. There are people I’ve known from grade school and high school that still communicate with me. This is huge. All the bad stuff I’ve done and all the issues I’ve had and all the disappearing I’ve done, and they still talk to me?

That’s a friend.

I married my best friend, one who got me through bad times, embarrassing times. He knows everything, or just about everything about me, and yet he still stays with me. He has hurt me deeply, but I have learned to forgive him. I have hurt him deeply as well, and I trust that he has forgiven me. It’s a lot of heart work. I’m not good at heart work. I don’t enjoy doing heart work. But God helps me.

 In the end, my Very Best Friend is Jesus. I can tell Him anything and He doesn’t share that information with anyone, unless it will work out for my good. He tells me the truth about myself, but in a way that is gentle, slow, asking me to take baby steps. He knows what I can handle and doesn’t ask too much of me. And He always listens.

Thank You, Jesus, for being my Friend and setting the very best example of what a Friend should be.

_ RHTM _