Lonely

 

 

I’ve been lonely all my life. I only recently discovered why.

I would hug the loneliness to myself and write and listen to music and sit outside and listen to birds and swim in the pool creating stories and imagining where I would end up after I grew up.

Emotionally

My emotions raged, and not just when I was going through the teens. My parents fought so it’s no wonder my brother and I played that out as we looked for treasure throughout the neighborhood. I was lonely for someone to play with who didn’t tell me I was weird. I was lonely.

Psychologically

I felt different from everyone. It seemed like they were all “them” and I was me, in a corner, happy, but not fitting in. I didn’t really like what they liked or talked about what they talked about. I didn’t even like to wear the same clothes (even though my mom forced me to).

In my 40s I took a test and found out I was an INFJ and that all the things I was experiencing were normal. I was normal. Lonely was normal.

Spiritually

I was raised to be extroverted and a leader. I was expected to do tremendous amounts of responsibilities and to excel. This led to sickness, headaches and anxiety. When I learned more about myself, I found that it was normal for extroverts to expect extroverted behavior from others. Once I embraced my introverted self and being who I really was I stopped being so angry, so judgmental, so In-Your-Face about everything. I began to relax and become comfortable with not living up to expectations, disappointing people, and following my own path.

And God was there showing me I felt lonely, not for other INFJs so much as lonely for My Home, the one the Father intended for me, the one Jesus is preparing for me. I was lonely for His rest.

I was lonely for other heaven bound creatures like me, others who found reading the Bible to be a daily adventure and supremely comforting, others who praised God in their pain and prayed for others and worked behind the scenes.

 

Thank You, God for the journey. Thank You for healing me. Thank You for giving me jobs that fit while being challenged to occasionally step out of my comfort zone.

 

Are you lonely? It’s okay.

In heaven that goes away.

 

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_RHTM_

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