The History of Me

Cool unique auto in the Home Depot parking lot

 

 

World History

American History

The History of Language

 

Medical history

Family history

Work history

 

The History of Airplanes

The History of the Crows

The History of Fashion

 

My personal history is a tiny speck of dust within the history of the towns I lived in and the places I visited and the homes I slept in and the National Parks I walked in and the people I met or talked to or walked past or lived with or heard speak on the radio or in a pod cast or the professors and teachers who taught me or the preachers who saw me in their pews or the neighbors that observed me coming and going.

My health history is linked to my doctors and nurses, my children and husband, my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents.

My work history is bound to the places I labored and the people who labored with me and the bosses I was accountable to and the people who worked for me and my family and all the bill collectors, grocery stores, theaters, amusement parks, online stores, electric companies, mortgage companies that got their money because I worked.

The history of me is unlike any history of anyone else that ever existed on the face of the planet. There might be similarities or coincidences in some small way, a passing by for a day or a month or a year or two, but unique.

So when I write my history, I am writing something completely unique.

People will read it, not because it is so different, but because we are the same.

We share the same history individually in unique ways.

 

And that is the miracle of this crazy earth history that God created.

_RHTM_

Read more histories at Five Minute Friday!

A New Usually

 

Usually I get up early, like 5 or 6, make coffee and spend a little time with my hubby before he goes to work, read my Bible and pray, feed the cats, feed the fish, feed the sourdough starter, feed the plants, feed anything that needs feeding.

Usually I try to go for a walk every day. I want to continue to walk for as long as the Lord gives me days, so I practice.

Usually I hear from one of my children each day by text, sometimes on Facebook or Instagram.

Usually in August I have met with several homeschooling families and written reports for them, shared new goals, and cheered for all the work they’ve done during the year.

Usually I have a schedule of work and play, leaving and staying, writing and editing, laughing and crying, living in emotions and remaining stoic.

Usually I make a list for myself and cross off each thing as I do it.

These things give me joy, a sense of accomplishment, a purpose, a reason to wake in the morning.

But a lot has changed. Now I’m crafting a new usually. It’s harder than I thought.

 

_RHTM_

 

When my Usually changes I go back to writing as a base. Here’s a book I wrote a long time ago for my fellow homeschoolers and their children. One classroom teacher I know still uses it. Maybe it could help you. Love to Write Everyday was tested and edited by about 75 educators and the published book is the result of all those edits. Yes, I sent out a lot of free thank-you copies!

LoveToWrite

Books

F

pxel_photographer

 

Defeat

Failure

Unfinished

Weak

Wrong

Incomplete

F

Lose

I ran away from these words. Fear of failure is a familiar emotion to me. If defeated I would quit, run away, disappear. There was no coming back from failure. There was no finishing the unfinished. An “incomplete” on any school paper would send me into shock. That wasn’t supposed to happen to me. Getting any grade less than a B was wrong, inexcusable, shameful.

Because I was convinced I was smart, and smarter than anyone else. If there was someone who was smarter or more gifted than I was, I felt it necessary to hate them.

Such a ridiculous way to exist. I loved my classmates, my friends. Why would I feel this way?

There was a mysterious training I received when I was young that defeat was inexcusable, shameful, impossible. To lose was not an option.

I don’t know why I was this way. I’m still unraveling my past. Perhaps it was because I was “a good girl” and “talented” and “pretty” and “smart” and “a straight A student.” It was said so much to me it became my identity.

Fortunately, God led me through many difficult times, places where I would be defeated, situations where I would fail, jobs given to me that would remain incomplete. He knew this huge lie that dominated my life was keeping me from serving Him.

I escaped, but in many instances, I was forced to stay, made to fix my mistakes, left alone to mend the broken bridges.

Maturing.

Soon I learned to love finishing projects. The feeling of completion was a better success than all the awards in the universe.

I still struggle with the lie of “failure is inexcusable.” But God has led me to see it’s not about me anyway, it’s about serving Him with what He has given me.

 

These thoughts are unfinished, and probably will be until I meet Him face to face.

 

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 

_RHTM_

 

 

Making a Scene

 

Make a Scene

Scenes are so important in writing. Each scene must have a beginning, middle, and end. Each scene must belong to a bigger part of the whole and progress the plot (novel, short story, play, opera, movie, TV show).

Making a scene takes a lot of work. You can write it out quickly in the first draft, but then it’s time to scrutinize its value. Do I need this scene, or did I just write it because the paper was blank, and I needed words? Do I need this scene, or did I just blow off steam? Does this scene create an important part of the whole? If I take it out, will “something” be missing?

Some scenes are placed specifically to wake up the audience. Some scenes are there to create bonds between characters. Some progress the plot by showing us motivation and backstory. Some seem completely out of touch with the rest of the whole until the very end, when some word or gesture reminds us of the scene and brings an entirely new meaning to the story. 

I am in a scene in my life story. It doesn’t make sense to me. Why am I here? Why is this happening? What does this have to do with the rest of my life or someone else’s life or my tiny piece of the world’s history?

Then I remember this is God’s story. He wrote it many years ago before any of us were born. He knows how it turns out. This scene is cloudy to me, but an important part of the whole: the whole of my life, the whole of my children’s lives, the whole of my community’s story, the whole of the story that is the ongoing body of Christ.

That’s why it’s so important to get outside of myself and let God lead me where He needs me. That’s why, when I feel lost, I sit down and write where I am right now…

Here I am, sitting at my laptop. Today one of my children will be visiting us, so I cleaned house. Today I have ___ friends who have asked for prayer. Today I need to shop for the needs of my household. Today I don’t need to bake because there is plenty left over from yesterday. Today I work on the big projects God has given me, ___, ___, and ___. Today I praise God for providing what I need, for giving me jobs to do, for giving me people to take care of, for salvation and a hope, for the opportunity to talk to strangers and pass along a tiny piece of Jesus.

Today is just a tiny, but important scene, in God’s plan.

 

_RHTM_

 

 

 

All that I have to tolerate

pexels - pixabay

I am a highly sensitive person. I have always known that, but it took reading about in psychology articles to realize that it’s really a thing.

Because of that I have to tolerate things most people don’t seem to mind:

Noise

Chatter

Bright lights

Arguments

Fighting

Intense movies

Loud music

Constant motor sounds

Screens

Repetitive percussive sounds

Interruptions

Conflict

Any change in plans

 

Add to that the things I have to tolerate because my personality bends toward INFJ:

Lying

Fibbing

Personal Drama

Large gatherings

Noisy animals

Boasting/Preening/Pretending you are someone you are not

Ignoring of facts

Performing (without benefit of a stage)

 

I realize this is negative, but the only way I have been able to tolerate the things that bother me (and many times they bother me deeply) is God.

God has given me strength to raise children, discipline, teach in the classroom, give workshops, be a reporter for the newspaper, be an editor for the newspaper, organize and attend book signings, head clubs and gatherings, have lots of people over for a graduation or birthday party, be a cashier, attend family reunions, weddings, funerals …

God is amazing. No matter what our weaknesses are, He is there to help us through whatever needs to be done.

Thank you, God.

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Read more thoughts on the word Tolerate.

 

Then take a minute to check out my novel, The Porch.

 

_RHTM_